Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
