I don't think brook has ever known best
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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