the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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