seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
