My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
