Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I could fuck to npr.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
