So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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