you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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