It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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