this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
A bitchslap is in order.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
