Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
