bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
