if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
