You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
