Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
