Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
