I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
