Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
