yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
