was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
