so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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