I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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