i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
