OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We don't watch enough power rangers
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
