oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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