You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The uberlube is also flammable
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
