my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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