I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
