did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
