got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
