You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
