You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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