This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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