I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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