I CAN MOONWALK!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she smelled like a LAN party
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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