I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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