For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
