I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just high enough for therapy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
