I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
