Will you blow on my dice?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
