Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
