6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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