i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
