he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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