Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
