They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
