if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
