i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
