you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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