he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This house was built for laser tag.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
