Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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