This is not my ceiling
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
