Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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