you're like a bully in the Christmas story
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
