Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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