sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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