we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
