i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
